


Blind spot

by theonetruenorth



Series: Shadowhunters headcanons [12]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: #protectaleclightwood2k16, Brother-Sister Relationships, Coda, Embedded Images, Episode Related, Gen, S01E09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 08:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8156021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonetruenorth/pseuds/theonetruenorth
Summary: “Sit down, Izzy.” He gestures at the sofa at the office, already dreading the conversation.“I don’t want to–”“Sit the hell down or I will make you sit,” he hisses at her and he feels a tiny amount of satisfaction at the way she flinches at his tone. Alec is done with apologizing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The second part to the S01E09 coda, this time with Izzy. Enjoy!
> 
> (And no, I'm _still_ not over how they treated Alec in that episode.)

“We need to talk.”

Izzy’s voice is like steel, unyielding and unforgiving and it heralds a confrontation. Alec doesn’t have have any strength left to fight her if she is itching for a fight.

“We really, really don’t,” he answers, not taking his eyes off the report in his hand. He still has a stack of paperwork to go through before he can rest and there was also the matter of getting ready for the Clave investigation after yet another of his failures - losing Meliorn and the Cup.

“Alec, I’m serious.” Izzy pushes into his personal space, her hand snatching the report away and tossing it back on the desk. Alec thinks it’s a small mercy that the papers don’t end up falling to the floor and scattering all over,he’s not sure he would have enough energy to pick them up. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“About?” he inquires, “You’ve been tearing me a new one for so many things lately that you have to be a little more specific now.”

Her eyes widen in surprise but it takes only a second for her gaze to be like fire again, like a red-hot brand she’s not afraid of using on him.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she says, her voice full of sarcasm and venom, “Let’s start with the way you treated Meliorn. Giving him to Silent Brothers?”

Alec sighs.

“Sit down, Izzy.” He gestures at the sofa at the office, already dreading the conversation.

“I don’t want to–”

“Sit the hell down or I will  _ make _ you sit,” he hisses at her and he feels a tiny amount of satisfaction at the way she flinches at his tone. Alec is  _ done _ with apologizing.

He doesn’t want to do this, he’s exhausted and drained and he just wants to curl up in his bed and feel numb for the rest of his life, but he can’t.

Eventually, Alec sits next to her and the gap between them isn’t very big but right then she might as well exist in different galaxy - that’s how far apart he feels from her.

“You do realize that Meliorn isn’t actually an official representative of the Seelie Court, right?” Alec starts and he can see the way she bristles at that, but for now she keeps her mouth shut. “The only reason he ended up here is because of his connection to you. He’s a convenient target due to our relatively easy access to him. He might have the confidence of his Queen but frankly, he’s just as unimportant as every other pawn in her Court. And I don’t know why all of you got it into your heads that the Silent Brothers would  _ kill  _ him during the questioning?”

“He shouldn’t be questioned in the first place!” She protests, her hands curling into fists and he can see the way her nails dig into her skin.

“Maybe. Maybe not. It’s not my decision.”

“I don’t know what happened to you, Alec.” Izzy shakes her head, still angry. “You’ve always followed the rules and that was okay but now you changed into this… mindless drone that asks ‘how high’ when the Clave tells you to jump.”

Alec doesn’t respond, just leans forward in a slump that makes his back arch, his elbows on his knees.

She just doesn’t get it.

“And you’re pissed off at mom and dad but you still do exactly what they ask! Marrying Lydia, Alec? Is that really what you want?”

Alec bows his head a little, his hands moving up to hide his face. He’s so  _ tired _ of the same argument happening over and over again and he cannot comprehend why no one understands what he’s doing.

Why no one cares.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” He says, so quietly that Izzy almost didn’t hear him. There’s a tone to his voice - a trembling, vulnerable note - that puts an instant stop to Izzy’s steamrolling anger. “By the angel, Izzy, how can you claim to know me and still ask me that question?”

“Alec—”

“It’s not what I want. It was never what I wanted.” Alec sighs, his hands dropping down but he still doesn’t look at her. She can see that his eyes are wet, glittering with moisture but he doesn’t let the tears fall. It feels like a punch to the gut and Izzy’s heart twists with a sudden feeling of guilt. “The thought of marrying Lydia, marrying  _ anyone _ right now, makes me sick to my stomach.”

“Then why?” she whispers, one of her hands reaching out to grab his and he allows it, but doesn’t squeeze back. “Why are you doing all of this?”

He went through all of this with Jace just a couple hours ago and that talk left him drained, empty. He doesn’t know if he has any strength left to explain. He doesn’t feel like it will make a difference anyways.

“Because I fucked up.” It’s the reason he settles on, which isn’t that far from the truth. It all comes down to him. “I focused too much on being a brother to you and Jace instead of the acting head of the Institute. I let you two do what you wanted because I love you and the Clave didn’t like the results.” He looks at her and she thought she would see resentment in his eyes but there’s none there. There’s  _ nothing _ there. “And when you screw up you accept the consequences, and deal with the punishment.”

“The Clave—”

“The Clave has its rules,” Alec interrupts her again. If he stops now he might never get it all out. The steady stream of words is a draining effort and he feels hollow inside already. “The law is hard, but it’s the law. I was left in charge and I let my emotions cloud my judgement because you and Jace? You two have  _ always _ been my blind spot.”

And Izzy realizes that he’s right. They counted on Alec to always have their backs, because that’s the kind of person Alec is - loyal to a fault.

“Everything I do, I do for you, for Jace, for Max and our parents. I might be angry at Mom and Dad but that doesn’t mean I want to see them lose everything,” Alec continues, his fingers twitching nervously and he weaves them together tightly to stop them from trembling. “I’m going to marry so that you don’t have to. So that  _ Max _ doesn’t have to. So that we can keep running the Institute. Lydia is not a perfect choice but at least she gets it, why it’s worth it to stay stuck in a farce of a marriage if that means you can protect the ones you love.”

“It’s not your job to protect us,” Izzy says, though she knows he doesn’t think that way. “You need to live your life for you, not for others.”

“If you really think that you’re more naive than I thought.” His words are hurtful but his tone is gentle, almost like he’s pitying her for being so childish. “My life hasn’t been my own for a very long time now, Izzy. Everything I ever did, everything that I’m doing and will do in the future, is all for you. For my family. I thought you knew that by now. But maybe I’ve been naive too, thinking that you, of all people, would understand.”

She should have, Izzy realizes. For the longest time, it’s been her and Alec against the world. He was her constant, the one unchanging, still point in her life she could lean on. He was the one who prepared her for the stinging pain of her first rune. The one who let her invade his bed in the middle of the night and cuddle when she’d had a bad dream. The one who’d learned how to french-braid her hair when mother was too busy to indulge her whims.

“And do you know what hurts me the most?” Alec asks but doesn’t wait for her answer. It’s like a floodgate has been cracked wide open and all the things he’s wanted to say come out in an unbroken river of words. “It’s the fact that you and Jace both knew that something was wrong and you  _ still _ went behind my back. That… that you roped  _ Magnus _ into helping you steal the Cup.” 

He doesn’t have to look at her to know she’s surprised, and her sharp intake of breath is all the proof he needs.

“Do you think I wouldn’t figure it out? I don’t know  _ exactly _ how you did it, but I guess it doesn’t really matter.” He shrugs. “Magnus is gone, by the way. I told him about the engagement. I’m sure you can guess how well that went.”

And that’s probably the part that makes her feel the worst. Izzy knew her brother felt  _ something _ for the warlock, some kind of attraction and connection. Alec had sounded happy when he talked about Magnus and it was clear to her that Magnus was a little infatuated as well.

And they had screwed everything up.

“I’m sorry,” she says, her throat tight with emotion. She closes the distance between them, slowly, cautiously, until she can wrap an arm around him and places her head on his shoulder, much like Jace had done a couple of hours ago on the floor of that factory. “I never meant to hurt you.” 

He’s silent for a moment and Izzy feels the tears gathering in her eyes but she refuses to let them fall. She doesn’t deserve the relief they would bring her.

“I know,” he says after a long stretch of silence and she can feel his lips brush against her temple in a brief kiss. “I know, Izzy.”

It’s an acknowledgment but not an absolution and she knows she has a lot to make up for before the rift between them can be sealed. 

**Author's Note:**

> Every fic in this series is first posted to my tumblr and I upload it to AO3 with a delay. If you want to read my stories as soon as I finish them, follow me there: theonetruenorth.tumblr.com
> 
> Beta-read by [brizzbee](http://brizzbee.tumblr.com/)


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